I am trying to get better

I am trying to do better at updating. I feel sometimes like I don't have much to say that would be of interest. But who really cares, right? So let's get down to buisness.

The last couple of weeks have been, at the least, stressful and quite hell like. It seemed that it couldn't be just one or two things that went wrong. I seemed to have the opposite of the "Midas touch". Everything I tried to do, or touched, or thought about doing...the bottom fell out.

I have come to refer to these 2 weeks as my very own personal 24-hour crap buffet. The problem with this is that everytime I got full and tried to push away from the table, my plate kept getting filled back up. I had no choice but to suck it up and continue trying to clean my plate. Carol told me just to get out the toilet paper, clean off the plate, and start again tomorrow. I tried that each and every day. The dang pile just kept getting bigger, stinkier, and much more frustrating.

You know that you have been a crab ass way to long when not only does your sister make you a CD of songs pertaining to subjects such as "If You're Going Through Hell", but your co-workers walk by your desk cautiously as they ask if today was a better day...scared to hear the answer if it wasn't, I'm sure.

Wednesday things started to not necessarily get any better, but at least much more tolerable. Delauna and I were giggly over the most insignificant things. I laughed at lunch more than I have in a month. That evening, our office gathered at Calhoun's on the river to celebrate one of our co-workers who is retiring. It was a very relaxed enjoyable evening. We laughed more and decided that we really are the "Kool Kids" in the office. Everyone wanted to sit with us, talk with us, or just generally be near us... :-)

The boys at our table were so immature!!! Just look at what Josh did. This is the only picture taken of me the whole evening....

Ok, so it's not that it's such a great picture of me...I was trying to rid myself of extra chins as I was sitting next to a 6' female stick. But look at the sheer joy on his face for getting one over on me. Or so he thought. All I am going to say is that payback is a bitch, for him anyway. We will see what happens the joy later. I wonder why they tell us all the time we fight like married people. I can't imagine.... :-). He is one of my very best guy friends and he along with the others made my crappy weeks melt away. I am very blessed to work with a group of people that I not only work well with, but can count as friends. Jeff, Josh, Delauna, and myself are a force to be reckoned with when we get going.

Delauna may not have had her husband, Jack, there with her, but I think she managed to enjoy herself anyway. See...

So today, we cheered. It was another way too hot, I can't wait for October, is there an ice bin I can crawl in kind of day. I started the day as "coach", spent the middle part as "worker" (concession stand helper), and ended the afternoon attempting to just be a mommy to my little cheerleader. I was finally able to take some pictures of her.

So in closing, let me share with you a golden tidbit of knowledge. When wearing flip flops to the football field, apply sunscreen to the tops of your feet or you run the chance of this happening...

So, I am going to take Jasmine home. She stayed after cheer to watch High School Musical 2 and have dinner. I had two little girls each with a large ear of corn that they refused to let get the better of them. Again...see....

See you on the flip side.

Peace, love, and shutting down the crap buffet......Stupid Looking Feet Whim

2 days in a row

Did you miss me? It's only been 24 hours. Not 24 days or weeks or years. Miracles do happen.

Tonight was a momentous evening for my household, as well as Carol's. She arrived here at around 6:30 to pick up Joshua and his belongings. I cooked dinner (pork chops, peas, corn, rice, and applesauce). She made dessert (individual sponge/angel food cakes inbetween two layers of fat free cool whip..200 calories..perfect). They loaded up Sophie and by 8:00 were on the road to Harriman. Why you might ask?

Joshua, as I have mentioned before, has been held back in the 7th grade. The school he attended previously pretty much has him labeled as a troublemaker and it does not seem they are at all willing to change that label no matter how hard the kid works to prove them wrong. These two pieces of the puzzle do not match. They are a recipe for disaster. I have been told by numerous people who I trust with out question that there was no way he was going to able to go back to that school and be successful. But what was I supposed to do? I can't afford the private schools around here, and with his history, the chance they would accept a "behavior problem" was hovering some where between slim and none.

This is when Carol mentioned that she was contemplating the possibilities of Josh coming to stay with her during the week and going to school where she teaches. As much as my children belong with me and are my responsibility, the thought of him having a completely clean slate, a fresh start, and the chance to be as successful as I know he can be was the glimmer of hope I needed. It took a lot of soul searching for both Carol and me. We presented the choice to him as a united front and left the final decision in his hands. Neither of us wanted him to answer right away. He needed to think about it seriously. After a couple of days, he said that he wanted to go and was willing to try as hard as he could to be the super star he knows he can be.

Fast forward...do you know that you can be your own lawyer? I was able to download temporary guardianship papers/forms to give Carol the rights/permissions she needed to make the decisions that would need to be made for him on a daily basis, legally. It only cost $8.95. Not bad. A whole lot cheaper than law school.

So as the summer went on I was given forms to fill out, tasks to complete, calls to make, and copies to copy. All so that when Carol went last week to register him, she was completely prepared. It seems that some of the staff at her school were a bit stunned that she was registering a real life, talking, walking, breathing child. Inside, I would say she was probably a bit stunned herself. This is a huge undertaking for her. She is becoming instaparent to a teenage boy. I got a whole lot more time to prepare for him to be this age and I still don't get it. I know that she will be a great parent to him. I don't know what I would do if she didn't give him this opportunity. I am grateful and humbled.

So they are probably sawing logs right now. The bags have been unpacked. Clothes hung neatly in the closet. Toiletries placed in their spot. They have crawled into their respective beds in preparation for tomorrow. Carol will prepare her classroom for her students to arrive on Wednesday. Joshua will wander around the grounds of the school trying to get his bearings and kind of know where he is going when the bell rings.

I love them both more than they could ever imagine. I am at peace with this decision. I truly feel it is what is best.

I too must get some sleep. 4 hours of sleep per night is not enough. Good night and sweet dreams.

Hi, My Name is Kathy....

...and I seem to not know how to update my blog with out being harassed!!!

I guess I should fill you in on my life lately. Well, the biggest piece of information I need to share is this....I have a new ride! Way more cool than the money sucking, constantly breaking down, my mechanic saw it more than I did Stratus. I am the proud owner (well, I will be in 5 years...I make my first payment this Thursday) of a 2002 Toyota RAV4. Or as my dad calls it, a Rava. It looks way newer than it's year of birth would lead you to beleive it is (kind of like me). As is typical Kathy style, even the purchase of the vehicle had to be a debacle.

I originally decided on July 13 (shoulda known something wasn't gonna go right) to purchase a Mazda Tribute, YOB: 2001. All was well...for about 12 hours...then, Saturday morning the engine light came on!!! WHHAAAT?? I promptly called the dealership and was told to bring it to the service department at 1 when they got back from lunch. I was there at 12:45 and waited patiently. I was cool for about the first hour and a half when the people that had come in after me were already leaving. Starting to get nervous here. Another hour passed and they finally cam to talk to me. When they send the service manager and a bunch of paperwork....worry! Well, they found a small leak in a seal that was allowing tiny drops of oil to come into contact with the spark plugs. They gave me a rental to drive till they could get it fixed. {a little back ino here...I paid about 5500 for my stratus...was paying 11000 for the Mazda} They put my rear in a 2007 pimped out Camry (MSRP: 23000). Hello!! Do I have to take it back? So anyway, that was all on Saturday. I got a call from the service manager on Monday afternoon. (2 managers from 2 different departments in 3 days...not good). When any person starts off a conversation with, "Well, I have some interesting news for you...." it causes a lump to form and then promptly commence to flipping. His next statement of, "We won't be able to sell you that car, we are sending to auction." Apparently, the engine headed south and would need to be replaced. First off, thank goodness for the lemon law, and second, thank goodness i went to a reputable dealership that was willing to stand behind the fact that even though I bought it as is, no warranty, real or implied, I deserved to have things made right.

I have always said that everything happens for a reason. The Mazda was not the ride I was meant to have. I was meant to have my Rav4. I absoultely love this vehicle. It gets great gas mileage, has all the features I need and some that I don't, has enough room for my ever increasing in height children, and came with 2 different warranties...real ones...from Toyota. I am pleased as punch and am loving driving it more and more every day.

The fly ride needs a name. I have never had a vehicle worth naming. This one is definitely nameable. Here a some pics so that you have something to go with when helping to name her. And if you know anyone that is in the market for a 2000 Dodge Stratus that won't go over 27 miles per hour...I might know someone.

Do you know the meaning of being grounded?

Apparently Joseph does not. He has been grounded for a week or so for making some very poor decisions, amongst other things. My definition of being grounded and his definition are quite obviously polar opposites. To me, being grounded means no phone, no phone, and no freedom. To Joseph it means that as soon as your mom isn't looking you take off out the door. It also means that while your mom is at Cheer Camp that you go jump on the neighbor’s trampoline....’cause she'll never know, right? Yeah, that is until you try to pull a Jett Lee/Spiderman move as you are getting off the trampoline. What happened next taught him why you listen to your momma when she tells you something. See when Jett Lee busts a move, he usually doesn't end it by busting his elbow open. Yep, the phone call no parent wants to receive. Joseph was jumping and fell and busted his elbow. I came home to find my child covered in blood. From the time it took him to fall and me to get home, he managed to bleed all over his shirt, his shorts, his arm, hand, leg, and shoes. The wound itself wasn't bleeding when I got here, but it had been. As I tried to control the lurching in my stomach, I made him get in the truck and off to Methodist we went. (I am driving Daddy's truck ‘cause my car is in the shop). We placed a call to Aunt Carol as Joseph said he wanted her. A lot of good that did. She did well until they really started cleaning his wound, at which point her freckles disappeared and so did any pinkness she had in her face. I told her if she was checking out on us, this was the place to do it...plenty of medical professionals. We had a great ER tech that was a real hoot and took good care of all of us. She attended to the wounded and ill...all three of them. Joseph with his cut, Carol with her pass outedness, and Joshua with a seeping blister on his heel. Me....I get the bill. Dang, I think next time I will at least stub my toe. So anyway, 4 stitches and the removal of a chuck of loose skin later, we left. I must say I won the bet. I said 4 stitches, Josh said 5, Carol said 8, Joseph said just numb it first. He gets his stitches out in 12 days, so I take him back on June 34th. ha ha!

I am going to post some pictures of his wound. If you have a weak stomach, use caution when viewing.

To each their own

Well, a lot has happened since I last posted. 98% of which I don't want to get into. That 98% has taught me a life lesson. I guess I should say that I have known it all along, but this experience has driven it home. This lesson is that no one can create happiness in my life but me. I should never give other people the power to make me happy or sad. I have been pretty down for the last couple of weeks and have struggled greatly to get out of my funk.

The enlightenment came this evening as I talked with Carol. This probably sounds completely whacked out, but as much as I didn't always like the Carol she was before she made her journey through her own hell, I feel that in some warped way, it was good in that it has allowed her to have a perspective on things the rest of us don't have. I love that she is able to provide truly nonjudgemental assessment of situations. I owe her hugely, majorly, in the biggest way. It's not that she had some magic wand that waved over me as she chanted ancient healing verses. It was more the out look she shared. The experiences she shared. And the love and understanding she showed.

I entitled this to each their own for one reason. It is up to each of us to be our own person. It is up to each of us to make our own happiness. It is up to each of us to make the decision daily to live our own life for us, not for those around us. This is not to say that others don't matter or that we shouldn't be considerate of others. What it does mean is at the end of the day, we answer to ourselves. Be confident in your decisions, be secure in who you are. Do not let others bring you down. If they manage to bring you down, don't let them keep you there. Life is short, and if you decide for it to be, life can be oh so sweet.

This is what makes my happiness, my sweetness, my joy. In as much as they drive me completely insane, they are my reason for wanting to experience complete happiness. The loves of my life.....

Peace, love, and sheer happiness....Kathy